


a study of sadism and oddly-colored eyes

by onymouse



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 13:45:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/651117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onymouse/pseuds/onymouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akashi invites the Vongola guardians to Teikou for a practice match.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a study of sadism and oddly-colored eyes

When practice started on Thursday, there were four strangers standing on the court.   
  
“What’s wrong with Akashi’s face?” Aomine asked, dropping his bag. “Also, why is Satsuki handing out insurance waivers?”   
  
They all peered at Akashi, who was smiling like the cat that had gotten the cream and washed it down with the blood of his enemies. “It’s a practice match,” Momoi said, waving her clipboard. “Just sign here so we can repurpose your organs, please. This game should be — slightly more challenging than usual.”   
  
“They don’t look very impressive,” Kise murmured.   
  
In answer, one of the strangers turned towards them. He was around Kuroko’s height, but his pulsating aura of murderous intent made him seem taller. When he caught sight of Kise, he let his slanted eyes drift up and down, taking in the pretty face and messy blond hair with clear distaste.  
  
Then he smiled. It was not a pleasant smile.   
  
“He looks like he wants to rip your jugular out with his teeth,” Kuroko pointed out, helpful as always. Kise made a small choking noise and subtly pulled Murasakibara in front of him. “Do you see their fifth player anywhere?”   
  
The door to the court slid open.   
  
There was a boy standing framed in the doorway, slender and smirking, dressed in a pair of leather pants that undulated beneath the spotlights. His heterochromatic eyes gleamed in a face too pale against the dark hair that framed it. When he walked, he had the same showy, loose-limbed gait as Kise, but whereas Kise’s served to draw attention to the clothes he wore, the boy’s movements made it perfectly clear that everything of interest lay beneath.   
  
Akashi stood, his own mismatched eyes glittering.   
  
“Why so disgusted, Kyouya?” the boy asked as he approached, throwing out the name like an insult. The murderous stranger let his lip curl, and the boy continued, “These are real leather. _Cows died for my pants_. Don’t you agree that this is the least herbivorous I could possibly be?”   
  
“I’ll bite you —”    
  
“In front of an audience? I realize that my incomparable beauty makes it difficult, but do try to control yourself.” The boy breezed past, ignoring the way his companion’s fingers twitched for a weapon. Then he stopped in front of Akashi, who tilted his head back and said, “Mukuro.”   
  
“Seijuurou.”   
  
Akashi’s smile sharpened. “Know your place,” he murmured, his voice almost caressing.   
  
In response, Mukuro sank theatrically to the floor, like a courtier greeting his king. Then he lifted his gaze with a pointed lick of his lips and purred, “You know I’m happy to go to my knees for you any time.”   
  
Murasakibara blinked and covered Kuroko’s ears. Next to them, Midorima, his face a color never before seen in nature, coughed and said, “The practice game —”  
  
“Oh,” Mukuro said, rising smoothly to his feet. “Is this how you like them nowadays, Akashi? Tall, green, and handsome? And —” his voice faltered for the first time — “carrying a large penguin…?”   
  
Akashi ignored him. “You’ve become complacent,” he said, letting his eyes rest on each member of the Teikou team in turn. “So caught up in pathetic victories that you’ve lost the desire to improve.” He laughed, soft and cold. “Your practice schedules will depend on how many individual baskets you can score against them. After all, these are completely realistic Japanese middle-schoolers that we need to be ready for.”   
  
“Bring it on,” Aomine said, spinning a basketball on his finger with apparent boredom.   
  
That lack of concern vanished when one of the strangers burst into flame. Everyone turned to look at the fire crackling in his hands, and then turned back to Akashi, who smiled.   
  
“Good luck,” he said pleasantly, tucking Momoi’s insurance waivers carefully into his bag.   
  
—   
  
When Akashi quadrupled everyone’s training schedule, there were no complaints. Only Kise, lying bruised and battered and bitten on the floor, lifted his head for long enough to ask, “How do you know those guys, anyway?”   
  
“Oh,” Akashi said absently, writing up the new practice sheets, “Mukuro and I went through hell together. They offered to let us be the joint leaders of the underworld afterwards, but we both had other commitments.”   
  
There was a long silence.   
  
“I mean,” Akashi said, “I — met him at the contact lens store. Because these are contacts, and not physical manifestations of the torture I suffered for the sake of my supernatural eyes.”   
  
He dropped the sheets into Momoi’s waiting hands and turned for the door, striding past the scattered bodies of his teammates.   
  
There was an even longer silence. Then Kise chirped, “He gave up governance of hell for us!”   
  
It was possible that he sparkled a little.   
  
“Wait,” Kuroko said.   
  
“As much as it pains me to admit it, even I cannot match Akashi’s commitment,” Midorima added.   
  
“No, hang on —”   
  
“Makes me want to come back to practice,” Aomine muttered, staring at the ceiling.   
  
“Half the school’s a smoking ruin —”  
  
“I wonder if there are snacks down there,” Murasakibara mused.   
  
“Pomegranates,” Midorima told him.   
  
“We could’ve been killed by lightning —”   
  
“Such an amazing captain,” the rest of the Kiseki no Sedai sighed.   
  
Kuroko stared at them with wide, wide eyes.   
  
“Right,” he said, “never playing basketball with the rest of you psychos again.”

**Author's Note:**

> look i don’t know okay, mukuro and akashi both have heterochromia, surely that is a sign from heaven that they’re meant to be BFFs or at least do terrible things to their respective comrades together


End file.
